Waiting.

When my phone rang I thought to myself, “finally.”

I knew it was a phone number that correlated with the hospital.

However, when the person on the other end identified herself as my neurosurgeon & not the scheduler, my stomach dropped.

Because of this technology still being so new & the changes that have to be addressed on programming after surgery, a proctor from the manufacturing company is required at all surgeries. The one that was scheduled for me Friday can no longer be there due to a personal issue.

She assured me she spent all morning on the phone trying to see what they could do for me knowing I have been in so much pain & have already waited months for this day to come.

There was nothing that could be done.

I was simply told the earliest would be mid-November. But, really, she had no idea yet.

I hung up & ran into my bathroom at work & cried my eyes out.

I was finally ready mentally for this procedure. I had been working on that in therapy.

I have been off my medicine & all my vitamins/supplements for the two weeks in preparation which have made my CRPS symptoms flare up.

I have been just waiting. Waiting to get this damn battery out of my back that makes it hard for me to sit upright (just let me stand or lay down). I really, really hate my battery.

I was prepared for either outcome. Even though it scared me.

Now, I just wait. More. Which is what all chronic pain patients do.

We wait. We wait for meds or injections to start working. We wait to be seen again. We wait on insurance companies. We wait to see how our pain reacts. We just wait.

My surgeon is one out of two in Michigan who can do the DRG Stimulator & there is only one manufacturer for the DRG. I have no option but to wait.

So, I wait. I carry on without being able to take the med I was trying. I carry on without taking my vitamins or supplements that aren’t allowed before surgery. I carry on with however my body reacts to longer without.

I am not sure what lesson I am supposed to learn from this one. But, right now, I’m not interested in what that message is. I’m exhausted.

But, I know me. No matter how hard it has been at times, I just keep going. Even when my speed is slower than a turtle or the days I fall back down a hill for the tenth day in a row.

I keep going even though I am waiting.

Until Next Time~