I know what way is the easiest. In my eyes, I have two options; two roads to pick from.
Last week I made it down to my basement FOUR days for a workout. Now, when I say workout what I mean is a very light or easy walk on the treadmill at a speed so slow it takes me over 23 minutes to walk one mile.
But, damn, did that ever feel amazing! Prior to my DRG stimulator every single time I would try to start working out some again I would end up with a massive flare up the next day that would last several days. After realizing this cause and effect, I obviously gave up my hope for intentional movement.
So, to make it four days last week was a massive victory.
However, this week has been a struggle. I am still struggling with a massive headache every day that wakes me in the morning just pounding. This is believed to be at the fault of my prescription drug detox and my doctor tells me I may experience withdrawal symptoms for a bit yet due to the high dosage I was on for over a year.
After work this evening, I walked down to my basement with high hopes of walking a mile or even just 15 minutes.
I could not do it. My battery site was again experiencing great pain but also my foot was on fire. I tried to keep going until I just knew it was best to call it a day. Yes, my stimulator is working pretty well still however the thing with CRPS is that it is so sensitive and we can experience an increase in symptoms from random things.
Like the weather. Stress. Loud noise (sensory overload is a real thing). Lack of sleep. I have even found in the last few months that taking my vitamins was causing higher pain days. I’ve been too afraid to figure out which vitamin(s) were causing this because obviously that’s not something I want to experiment with!
Anyway, tonight I stopped the treadmill and sat down on the belt for a few minutes. I realized how easy it would have been to allow frustration to win. I have been sidelined from being able to be truly active for 2 years.
However, I have never been one to choose the easiest road.
Instead I just became grateful for the simple fact I could make it down the steps, that I had the motivation to put on workout clothes, that I had the energy to show up, and I was able to put on shoes.
There will be days that I cannot move. Days I cannot wear shoes. Days I am curled up in bed trying to hide my pain from everyone.
But, on those days I will also remember where I came from just a few months ago. I will remember the days the pain was so strong I would scream or become physically ill. Those days were one day right after another.
I do not look ahead to see how far I have to travel because when you have a disease like CRPS you never know what the next day will bring. My only goal is to try my best on the days that my body says “go for it.”
As for the days it tells me, “nope, not today,” I will choose to focus on the positives of how far I have come and to focus on the strength I have gained from all the days that made me feel weak. 
No easy way out here.
Until Next Time~
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