Numbers.

If you ask me how I am doing these days….numbers. I have sticky notes on my desk at work….numbers. I have a to do list….numbers.

If you see me today & you ask me how I am doing, chances are good my response will be, “17.” Tomorrow, I will answer with “16.”

Recently I started a morning routine in thanks to my new favorite author/speaker/we could so be friends, Rachel Hollis. I write down some dreams, or goals, I have but I write them down in the present tense like they have already happened or are happening now.

For a week, I have written:

I am a DRG stimulator success story.

In seventeen days, I will have that piece of equipment inside my body. It is kind of odd to count down the days to surgery with such joy. In fact, my youngest daughter even made that comment yesterday, “mom, you’re really counting down the days for a surgery?” said with total confusion.

I had to explain to her why that is. I will admit that sometimes I cannot wrap my head around this process. I look back to just four years ago when I was literally in the best shape of my life & today I sit here with an extra sixty pounds & a body that will now need an electronic device inside to function better; some days to function period.

Some days I am okay with that & others, to be completely honest with you, I struggle with that.

Numbers….I also have one on my desk that reads “11” to remind myself of the million things I need to complete at work before I am off for a little bit.

If I actually numbered my to-do list, I might be at line #99,997 or at least that is how I feel when I look at it! For 8-12 weeks I am only allowed very minimal movements & no bending, twisting, reaching or lifting anything over three pounds.

Speaking of, my husband also cannot lift anything over two pounds with his left hand due to shoulder surgery last week. Yes, we make a great team! However, I am happy to report that he is doing great & I am in more pain than he is every night we crawl into bed.

All I know is that I am going to keep writing these on my daily list of ten dreams/goals until each one comes true:

• I am a DRG stimulator success story
• I do not take prescription meds for my CRPS
• I am a runner
• I am healthy, strong + energetic

Until then, 17.