Feb 13
2015

Improvement!

When I first started running I will be honest & say that I made fun of myself. I joked about how you could not consider me a real runner because I was too slow. I was almost embarrassed to share my mile pace. 

Then, one day I woke up. I realized a mile is a mile regardless of how fast or slow you run it. I realized I should be proud of myself because I was trying, I was doing something. I was off the couch and away from the TV! I was pushing myself out of my comfort zone. 

I also realized that comparison is the thief of joy.

So, I just became proud of myself. Proud as I watched myself get faster & proud as I could run further than the week before. I celebrated each of those little victories! 

I still celebrate these victories! I think tracking your progress can be so motivating & encouraging! Some days that chance to shave a minute off your typical three mile run can be the kick in the booty you need!

I strongly dislike the treadmill….but as a full-time working mama my options during the week to run are quite limited. I always felt like the treadmill made me feel like the slowest & worst runner ever… my pace was SO SLOW compared to outside.

When I first started back up running in 2013 after my shoulder surgery my consistent pace on the treadmill was 4.5 mph. Today, my pace is 6 mph. A few months ago it was 5.5 mph. I enjoy intervals on the treadmill; love to push myself as hard as I can for a minute here or 30 seconds there. This morning, I was able to run at 8 mph for an entire minute. I have struggled to maintain that pace on my short legs for longer than 30 seconds. Sure, it was very much mental as the last 20 seconds I think I was yelling “Go! Go! Go!” out loud to me, myself & I. Not to mention, some days I cannot get over how LONG a treadmill minute is….I swear it cannot be right some days!

But, as always, that sense of accomplishment had me on such a high before the clock even hit 5:30 a.m. this morning.

Track your progress, watch yourself improve. Celebrate your victories – no one will celebrate them for you! Be proud & celebrate your awesomeness! Don’t compare yourself to anyone else – the only person you can be is YOU & be so very proud of that!

Speaking of progress….the other morning I walked by my full-length mirror. I had to stop & take a double-take. Some days I will admit I struggle to believe that reflection is me at first. When I stop for a minute, I realize it is me. I loved my reflection the other morning & what I saw in it….the strength I could see. My leg muscles….I once hated my legs with the deepest of passion….now I see the strength in them & love them & embrace them in a way I never thought possible. I have no desire to be “skinny,”  I simply want my body strong & healthy. 

So three more miles done this morning in my Journey to Kingsley! 1,094 more to run!

 Until Next Time~
*krisha*

Posted By at 8:59 pm Leave a Comment
Feb 9
2015

Not About a Number

Happy Monday, friends!

Today I begin a friendly competition in a healthy living group I am in. Sure, the winner is based of percentage of weight loss, but that is not why I am there; it isn’t what drives me….

ANYMORE.

There was a time where a number controlled me. A number defined me. My goal was about a certain number on the scale. My goal was about the number written on the tag of my jeans or that hot dress I wanted to wear. 

(Don’t get me wrong….I do think your numbers are good feedback. The scale & tracking your inches lost (I think you need to do both as sometimes that scale may not move, but you have lost a good couple of inches) is a great way to keep things in check – if you’re working out like a rock star & your scale is going up, you might need to revisit your foods. So, yes, feedback is great….just can’t be your only feedback of your progress.)

During that point of my healthy-living journey, the numbers had all the control over me. They told me if I was beautiful or ugly; happy or sad; a failure or a success. Honestly, I was miserable and never feeling like I was good enough & always told myself I should just give up as I would never get to my “goal weight.”

Then, one day, I woke up. I had one of those incredible chats with myself. I asked myself what I really wanted from living a healthy life. Did I think once I achieved that ## on the scale, I would suddenly by happy? Would a certain pair of jeans make me feel beautiful? Should a ## define my mood or even the person that I am? 

Of course, the answers were all no. I was focused on the wrong results. I had the wrong ideas in my head.

What I really wanted; what my real goal truly was…..it was a very simple concept. I just wanted to be the best version of me. I wanted to be a strong version of Krisha that lived with goals and fire to achieve her dreams & wasn’t afraid to turn dreams into goals. I wanted to be a Krisha that was confident, regardless if her jean size tag had a 10 on it or a 6. I wanted to be the version of myself that knew I was a beautiful woman regardless of the numbers that the scale would read.

The best me. A number cannot tell me when I am there or even how to get there. Once I took the power away from numbers, my magic happened. 

Numbers are something you can’t really control… I mean, how many times have you had an amazing week & jumped on the scale thinking you would be down a good couple of pounds & really you ended up a couple?! So, I focus on what I can control which is myself, my views, my goals, my positive mind, my positive affirmations, my choices.  These lead me to the best me…something a number can’t ever give me or take away from me.

Until Next Time~
*krisha*

Kelsey @ Random Randts
Posted By at 2:59 pm 3 Comments
Feb 3
2015

Big New Goal and a Transformation Tuesday!

Some quick maintenance – if you were following me on Bloglovin’ under my old blog name, you will have to re-follow me again! Click on this link below!

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Well a new month is here & this also means a month closer to spring! Yup, I live in Michigan & do not enjoy cold or snow! Although I should admit I do enjoy some gorgeous sunrises like this morning’s on my drive into work!

 So…January is over. Did I make my goals?  I did fall short on my 100 miles for January. I had a feeling I might as I was finally just starting to up my distance again as physical therapy was allowing. But, when you have a goal to work towards, you have a destination you are working to reach. There were days I jumped on the treadmill & might have only done a mile if it wasn’t for pushing for that 100 total. So, sure I fell short by about 20 miles, but I still feel great about my progress.

My run streak of at least a mile a day is still rolling for a total of 34 days. Today, I am feeling horrible…like really… I completed the slowest mile of my life I’m sure this morning…but I did it.

My new updated monthly goals: my run streak was supposed to be a 40 day one through Valentines Day, but I think I might push it & see how far we can go! I will shoot for my 100 miles again, with being a short month & already starting it out slow from not feeling great, it will not be easy. But, if the goal pushes me to go an extra mile here & there, I will definitely try!

My NEW BIG & MOST IMPORTANT 2015 GOAL: If you have followed my running journey, you know I run for the coolest & most handsome little guy ever! I was paired up with Kingsley through an organization & my miles are dedicated to him. He pushes me more than I can ever explain; when I want to quit, he carries me. In 2015 I will travel to Colorado to meet him. But, I have also googled to find that from my door to his door is 1,185 miles…so guess what, friends? We will be running at least that many miles before the year 2015 comes to an end.

I also have a good solid plan for continuing to build up my lower body strength for my running from my PT so this knee issue disappears once & for all! Oh…and my ab goal for this summer…. always pushing myself….

Why? Because I can. Because I feel like me. Because I feel amazing. Because I feel strong. Because I want to be better than yesterday. Because I love this strong, healthy, dedicated version of me. Because I love challenges & always want to push myself. Because I don’t want to fall short of what I’m able to accomplish or supposed to accomplish. Because when my last day comes, I want to know I used every little bit of energy & talent I was given. Because I am a much better mama and woman when I take care of me.

To cap off my motivational Monday post of my new goals with a transformation Tuesday picture… That’s always motivating!

Until Next Time~

*krisha*

Posted By at 10:48 pm 1 Comment
Jan 27
2015

Backwards???

So yesterday I had planned on linking up with some awesome bloggers for Motivation Monday. 

I tried to start a post several times yesterday. But, the motivation was lacking. 

I had zero.
It was one of those days. 

A day spent kicking myself, honestly. Definitely NOT motivating myself & if I’m not motivated it is certainly hard to motivate anyone else! 

A couple months ago I had promised myself I was never going to go “backwards” again.
Staying the same, absolutely. Make more progress, sure. Backwards, never.

However, then I ran my marathon while going through life transitions & changes that altered my life, emotions and schedule greatly. After my marathon, my knee/leg did not allow me to be very active. I had to rest it to let it all heal, which meant no running at all for quite some time. I definitely suffered from that let-down of working so hard for months & months for a goal, a race, a day & was then left wondering “now what” & almost feeling empty with no big goal or challenge. I had many adjustments to make in life, family, health & fitness that at times it was all overwhelming. 

It hit me on Sunday that I was barely on this wagon anymore. I’m certain I had only one hand hanging on & the rest of my body was dragging in the dirt & getting beat up by the rocks. 

Yesterday I honestly spent the day beating myself up, reminding myself I had said never again. I could see fully how much I had let some of my healthy habits fall to the side. Food was not being looked at as fuel; it was a crutch for life, to fill the empty voids or cracks & take away the stress or loneliness. Sure, I was still running and working out, but not nearly as intense as previously….almost feeling as if I was being weighed down.
But, after beating myself up, I reminded myself the only direction, for me, to move is forward. 

I sat there & thought about all the reasons that I had allowed myself to slip. I realized why.

It’s life. Life was happening. Perfection is a lie; there is no such thing. I am completely imperfect. 

So, I dusted myself off; picked myself back up. I had a nice butt-kicking talk with myself about my excuses & my habits & what I needed to change. I told myself there is never any point in looking backwards; I have no desire to go that way. 
I am only looking forward to the goals for today & the goals for tomorrow. I pulled myself back up on to this wagon of the lifestyle I want, that I crave, reminding myself that life will always happen & that I am perfectly imperfect just the way I should be. My reaction to my “cha-cha” is what always makes the difference in tomorrow. Giving myself some compassion & grace versus the negative self-talk & moving forward to where I want to be.

Kelsey @ Random Randts 
Until Next Time~
*krisha*

Posted By at 6:31 pm 3 Comments
Jan 17
2015

#megsmiles

Today’s run was not about me. Not at all.

My buddy, Kingsley, is always in on any run or workout I take on. This handsome little man pushes me always. To be his running legs is an incredible privilege.

But, today was also in honor of a fellow runner, Meg, who was tragically killed last January while out on her morning run by a drunk driver. No, I never met her. In fact, never heard her name until after this accident.

But, the running community is a community unlike any other. The community isn’t about competing with your neighbor; its about inspiring, helping, encouraging one another. I have many, many on-line “runner friends” that I will never meet in person. But, every day their stories and words inspire me.

Today, the running community all over ran in honor of Meg. The Facebook event read the following:

This Saturday, January 17, 2015, no matter what your distance, no matter where you live, run for Meg. Take in the fresh air, be aware of your surroundings, keep your headphones on low, feel the heaviness in your lungs, the soreness in your legs, and be grateful for it–for all of it. The sweat, the pain, the wind, the cold…everything. Be grateful for that moment.


So, that is what I did. I laced up my shoes & headed out with a goal of five miles; longest distance I have ran since my marathon in September. The run today was not easy; there were times I felt weak and many times I thought about stopping and really considered turning around before the 2.5 mile mark. 

But, it wasn’t about me. I was running for those who no longer can and for those who are not able to. I kept putting one foot in front of the other simply because my body can. The cold winter air felt refreshing to me. The power pushing in my legs uphill and downhill reminded me how blessed I am to have the strength. The wind stinging my cheeks reminded me of how beautiful nature can be even with less than ideal conditions. There will be a day when my body will no longer be able to run but today is not that day. So, today I am truly grateful for the physical ability, heart, attitude, and strength to do so. 

That’s the thing about running; even your difficult runs make you feel grateful for the moment.

Until Next Time~
*krisha*

Posted By at 8:26 pm Leave a Comment
Jan 15
2015

Empowered

When I walk into the awesome studio at MFC Fitness Studio, I instantly get to leave my cares and worries at the door. I am surrounded by amazing women and led by a trainer who cares about you, not just your success from her classes, but you as a person & your life.


Joining MFC was a HUGE step out of my comfort zone last winter. I was scared to death, but knew I needed a change & wanted to surround myself with people that had the same goals. I didn’t want to go some place I was simply just a number or a member where they cared more about my money each month than they did me.  


For the first month, probably, every time I drove to class I felt so nervous. Yes, remember that first day of school nerves?! But, every time I walked in the door I was greeted with hellos, a friendly conversation, and again, surrounded by some really amazing women!

Of course, the friendly warm chatter was quickly replaced with a complete beating and us women grumbling some hefty words under our breath at our trainer. But, I found comfort in the fact that there were many different sizes and shapes, ability, and fitness levels there. I still remember watching one mama do real push-ups better than most males probably & I stated that “Someday I want to do push-ups like her.” Guess what, I can now! There was never any judgement at MFC, we were all there to go as hard as we possibly could for that class. We didn’t compete with one another, but we pushed each other, we encouraged each other, we built each other up, and empowered each other. 

Tonight, I walked into MFC with many stresses on my shoulders but I smiled as I entered the door knowing that for the next hour, all I had to do was worry about myself. I didn’t have to worry or stress about my girls, I didn’t have to worry about that medical bill for my daughter looming over my head, I didn’t have to think about how much attention my house needed, I didn’t have to think about that pile of papers I never touched on my desk at work. Truly, I see this time as such a gift. 

It was just me. That was my worry. I wanted to push hard tonight. I needed to feel like I gave it all I had and walk out feeling like I was for sure stronger than I was before walking in. The strength I needed tonight was not physical though, I was searching for that mental strength – where I have been struggling lately. 


Really, whether you are running or doing a DVD in your own home or attending a class – it is ALWAYS up to you how hard you go, how far you push yourself. This is usually all in your head, not in your physical body. My body tells me to quit every single time I am active. My body told me to quit 500 times during my marathon. If we let the body control our actions, we would fall short often.

The area you have to build strength in is your mind. I can tell myself I can do these burpees without stopping or I can tell myself I’m too tired and I need a break at the half-way point. I can tell myself there is simply no way I can jump on the big box or I can tell myself I can do it – what is the worse thing that can happen? I miss the box & I fall….well, at least I had the courage to give it everything I had, right? Tonight, I had to remind myself that I can do anything for 30 seconds as I pushed harder….I mean, its ONLY 30 seconds right, it isn’t that long! I got through those 30 seconds just fine… all mental! 


Our bodies were designed to be active; they weren’t made to sit at a desk for 8 hours a day, like I do, and then go home and sit around. We were made for movement. The one part I am thankful for is that I was made with the heart and spirit to go hard. I was given a drive to always push, even when I want to quit. Push to be better than yesterday and to not give up. 

I walked out tonight after class as I rushed to pick up my beautiful babies riding that post-workout high. I felt stronger. I felt driven. I felt successful. I felt proud. I felt exhausted. I felt like someone had just beat up my body. I left knowing I gave that workout every bit of me I had. I took my aggression out from the day on the tire I flipped, or the box I jumped on, or the lunges I did. I left it all there. On the floor. I took advantage of that gift.

Now, tomorrow I will wake up and know I am stronger than I was today…. I will know as I am certain I will feel it with several muscles in my body. That pain that feels so incredible because you know you made progress!

MFC has been seriously life changing in the last year for me. What I have gotten from that place cannot even be justified with words. But I found a fitness home with amazing people I now call friends and trainers who are amazing at giving you the results you want but truly care about you as a person. Classes that are amazing, always different, effective & quick to fit into your busy life! MFC is the reason I continue to not be afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone. I did it to join there and the magic back has been incredible. I can’t wait for next month to show my one year progress picture. MFC will continue to push me past my limits with every class; push me to set crazy goals that scare me & give me a place where I can surround myself with people who have the same goals as I do, the same crazy schedules and people who embrace you as part of their circle. 

Empowered. Maybe that is the simple way to sum it all up. I feel empowered. 

Until Next Time~
*krisha*
Posted By at 11:37 am Leave a Comment
Jan 12
2015

Yup!

There is something….something….about a four mile run through the snow, ice and slush that can make you feel pretty bad ass! 


I had four miles down on my training plan for today. I saved it for the afternoon when I knew my girls would be gone for a few hours. Yes, you better believe I had piles, and I mean piles, of laundry to be folded, ironed, put away; I had food to be prepped; a dishwasher to be empty; a house that was in need of being picked up; you know all the Sunday Funday stuff this full-time working mama tries to accomplish on a Sunday! 

So, yes, I thought about crossing off my run for the day several times. But, if there is one thing I have learned on this journey: you MUST throw away your excuses. The only one you’re hurting with your dumb, lame excuses is yourself. It’s all about making the time; you will never find an extra hour in your schedule to workout. But, if it is a priority, you make the time.

I will admit that most times I am the biggest dork ever during my prep time for a run! I absolutely LOVE putting on my running gear, blasting my running playlist as I get ready, drinking my Spark, stretching. I am literally bouncing off the walls during this time!  That anticipation… the excitement of knowing I am crossing more miles off my list; taking a step to achieving my goals; making my body stronger; making myself better than yesterday. 

Today was a gorgeous sunny 29 degree day in Michigan. The roads were covered in snow, ice and slush. My route was hilly. I pounded out four miles very smoothly….one 20 second walk break at the halfway point, otherwise my run felt strong.





There is just something about the run. Sometimes I get lost in my music, at times even singing out loud; sometimes a song takes me back to some far distant memory and other times makes me dream of the future. I get my cluttered mind cleared out; sometimes I think of absolutely nothing. Other times I sort out problems in my mind or organize the best way to tackle my “to do list.” Some runs are spent focusing on my breathing and my technique; while some runs I finish and have no idea where my mind just went. 

The run is like magic. It it peaceful – time for me to pray or just talk with Him. I take in the scenery. I praise Him for a body that can put one foot in front of the other and for a heart that pushes me to do more. I thank Him for pairing me up with the coolest buddy in the world, Kingsley, via the I Run 4 organization. 

The run make me feel free. For however many steps I take on each run, I can be free from my troubles, free from any anxiety, free from any pain or anger. Some days I might be running from something, while others I might be running to something. I can get lost on the run. I can be found on the run. 



The run always gives me back more than it ever takes. I re-enter my house and feel awesome. I feel stronger. I feel focused. I feel happy. I feel energetic. I feel like a better woman. I am a better mama. My renewed energy tackles that list of things to be done before we take off on another hectic week…another week where I will try to be better than the previous one. 

Let’s not forget my Sunday night “wind down” glass of wine….after running around all day long, this mama struggles to unwind on a Sunday night. Now that 10:30 has struck, my 3:00 internal alarm clock will strike all too soon as I will jump out of bed ready to tackle more goals. 



Until Next Time~
*krisha*

Posted By at 3:33 am Leave a Comment
Jan 10
2015

A Million Baby Steps

In the past six months I have been asked questions often about my healthy lifestyle:

~How do I get started?
~How do you find the time?
~How do you stay on track, I always fail?
~Where do you find your motivation?
~How do you keep your motivation?
~How do you stick to it?
~Where do I start? 
~How can I be successful like you?
I love when people reach out to me and ask for advice, guidance, information. But, I am in no way, shape or form, any kind of an expert. 

But, what I am….is a woman who has struggled with her weight and body image pretty much for all her life. I have failed more times than I would ever want to count or admit. I have taken two steps forward followed by twenty steps backwards. 

But, what I am NOT, is a failure. Yes, I have failed and failed hard. But, I always keep trying. I may have just one toe left on the wagon of a healthy lifestyle and the rest of my body is dragging on the ground, but I have kept at least the toe on there!

Last January, I looked in the mirror and knew I needed to find how to make this truly become my life. Not a diet. Not a phase. My life.

It is a journey of a million baby steps. I have found over the years that my core motivation for losing weight has changed – at times it was a number on the scale or a number on the tag of my jeans; it was for my family, for my girls; it was to be able to wear whatever I wanted; it was to feel confident; and on and on.

But, this time, and what I have found to be the only way to work for me….my motivation is myself. Sure, I want my girls and the other kids around me to see a healthy woman. But, this time, it was for ME. I needed this. I wanted this.


KINDNESS: I used to be such a strong negative voice inside my head: 
“You’re such a failure.” “You’ll never do it.” “You can’t” “You screwed up again, might as well quit.” 
Wow was I ever my own worse enemy! So, I practiced kindness to myself:
“You don’t have to be perfect, keep trying.” “You tried your best.” “You will do it tomorrow.” “Look at all the things you did right today – let’s celebrate those!” 
I had to be my own best friend. I would stop and ask myself what I would say if it was a friend standing in front of me and that is the message I would give myself.



ACCEPTANCE & UNDERSTANDING: Yes, Krisha, you will fail. You will have days where you didn’t stick to one thing in your plan. There will be days where you will step on the scale and you’ll be up five pounds. There will be days you just cannot squeeze in your workout. But, its okay. Life is to be lived and I knew I needed to accept that somedays I would not practice self-restraint or self-control. There would be somedays I needed to understand that my workout plan had to be thrown out the window. But, this is all okay. There was no need to beat myself up over it. I see it as: if I failed at something throughout the day, that means I had a goal. I was trying. Good for me for trying, for setting goals. 

GOALS: I am obsessed with goal setting! In fact, when coaching Varsity Softball still, I held an entire practice on proper goal setting! Definite obsession. I feel we should all have something we are working towards – it could be at work, it could be your monthly budget, it could be life around your house. If I don’t have a goal, I have nothing to strive for; I’m simply moving through the motions of life! But, goals have to be realistic and measurable. You have to develop a plan on how you will achieve them. I have big goals I am always working towards on this journey – right now I have 100 days of running for 2015; 100 miles in January; and a 40 day run streak. But, I also have small daily goals and that has made a big difference for me. Every day I set a small goal – something I can achieve to give myself momentum for the next day. Simple as in, drinking all my water for the day; getting all my fruits or veggies in for the day; not visiting the candy dish at work! Goals should be something to strive for but also something to give you momentum and the motivation to keep going. Achieving a goal always feels amazing and if you fall short, set a new one and go forward. Again, at least you are trying!

CHEERLEADER: No one will be there to high five you daily for what you did achieve or stayed away from. You, only YOU, can be your biggest cheerleader. You NEED to celebrate yourself. Your tiny victories. There is nothing wrong with being proud and celebrating yourself. I love, love pictures. I have a ton of progress pictures on my phone and I look back to those all the time and reflect on the changes. They always remind me of where I came from, how far I have come, and how I don’t want to go back. Celebrate YOU! You are awesome and there is nothing wrong with knowing and believing that! Like this picture: I totally celebrate me here & if it wasn’t for my progress pictures on my phone, I wouldn’t see the changes….the physical changes are clear but the ones I truly see are the emotional and self-confidence changes, the changes I never want to disappear again. 


EMBRACE IT: Again, back to that own worse enemy, I used to look at myself in the mirror and kick the crap out of myself. I picked at all my flaws, all the parts of me I hated. As an example, I will use my tree trunk legs that I have been self-conscious about since middle school! I would look in the mirror and say awful things to myself. But, I realized the best thing I could do was learn to embrace my body – flaws and all. I now look at my tree trunks and are thankful for them. I realize they are strong and have carried me over many, many miles. They made me the strong athlete I was back in the school days. Obviously, for us mamas, our bodies go through some changes after having our beautiful babies. I embrace those too. I have two gorgeous girls and I am not a teenager anymore; my body has aged and I am thankful to be here aging and living life fully. So embrace your flaws; it is what makes you, you! 

MOTIVATION: Every day I tell myself that I am worth it. I am worth being on the list of priorities in my day. If I don’t take care of myself, who will? I am worth it and knowing this always gives me that dose of motivation in the morning and throughout the day. I am worth the goals I have set; I am worth the extra steps in a day to be a healthy mama and woman. My girls would be the first to probably tell you that mama is always happier and more energetic after a workout! 

It is a million baby steps day in, day out.  A million choices throughout the day. As long as you don’t quit, you will find your momentum and move forward. Find the joy in your workouts – it isn’t punishment. I view my workouts as a gift: it is a time where I can let go of the weight on my shoulders, I can lose control of my body or mind, I can get lost in the pain, I can enjoy the success, I can praise myself for my progress since the last workout, I can let go of what is on my mind, I can get lost in the music. When I am done, like this morning, I feel energetic, I feel like there is a little less weight on my shoulders, I feel proud, I ride that after workout high, I praise Him for giving me a body that can do this and a spirit that can push hard, I enjoy my clear mind, I smile and I hug my girls as they ask how my workout went, if my knee hurt, if I went as far as I had hoped, if I am still on track with my goals for the month. I know that workout just kept me on track with the woman I want to be as I am now ready to tackle the mile long “to do list” that is written for the weekend.



Until Next Time~
*krisha*
Posted By at 3:26 pm Leave a Comment
Jan 5
2015

Believe in the Beauty.

Over the years, I have started & stopped blogging many, many times. I have changed the name of my blog several times. I have changed the look. But, I never shared it publicly, other than in some fitness groups. It was just for me, mostly about my healthy living journey & was supposed to keep me accountable. 

Last week I renamed it….and for such a simple name, it took me FOREVER to come up with a name. I also changed my focus for it. Now, this is still for me: for my thoughts, my memories, my goals, my dreams, my personal growth, my failures, my motivation, my inspiration. But, I have been so blessed with messages from others that my words, my thoughts helped them. What more could you hope for… to be the encouragement or the positive light in someone’s day?  Sometimes it is a complete stranger and sometimes it is someone you see frequently that you did not realize they were fighting a battle. The truth is that someone near you is probably feeling the exact same way you are, they just need someone else to open up and remind them that tomorrow will be a better day; every storm is followed by sunshine again; our rainbows are out there, sometimes we just have to be willing to chase after them.

We all wear smiles. Day in, day out. We all respond with “good” when passing another as they ask how you are doing even when it is as far from the truth as we can be. But, you never know how true a smile is unless you take the time to look. You never know who is fighting a battle behind closed doors. You never know who might just be struggling with that feeling of “stuck” not knowing what direction their path might be headed: left or right? You never see how much someone’s walls might be crashing in on them as they dig deep to find even an ounce of strength to fight back. 

Years and years ago…by this I mean high school and in college…I wrote. Again, just for me. I was always terrified of sharing. Six months ago, I opened up a notebook and started scribbling my random little thoughts for the first time in years. Eventually, I sit down and turn those scribbles into more. I wrote this one in November and share it today as a reminder that sometimes turning a page can be scary, painful, terrifying; but there is beauty in it. 


The Turning of a Page

 The time has come

No more delaying it

You must leave behind the broken pieces of yesterday

Lay out the stepping stones from the lessons you have learned

The time has come to turn the page and start the next chapter.

Tears have fallen until your eyes have burned

You have traveled through the stormy days

You fought the urge to drown swimming in the ocean

You have grown in your exploration

You have transformed in ways you never imagined.

It is time to walk away from the empty nothingness

The search for extraordinary can begin

A search for a passion

A desire and a fire to fuel your soul

Your heart has been aching for more

As you have fought to find yourself again.

Yes, the doubts roam wild

Your fears are burning deep inside

The questions ring in your mind

As you come up empty of answers

The fear of failure threatens to hold you back.

But you have made it here

You are stronger now, you are ready

You found that genuine self again

You fought through to see the end of this chapter.

And now you know

You know it is time

Time to turn the last page of this chapter

Time to grab your pen and start to scribe the new one.

You are ready to trust in a change

To believe in the promise of a better tomorrow

To smile for the blessings on each page you write

And to have faith in the timing of each one you receive

For you can finally appreciate

The beauty in the turning of a page.
~*krisha*~ 
11.11.14 

So, today, my friends if this is your time to turn a page, see the beauty in it. The beauty is there.
Until Next Time~
*krisha*

 

Posted By at 8:47 pm 2 Comments
Jan 3
2015

A Slap!



Have you ever read or seen something that literally just slapped you across the face? 
Like hard?
To be honest, I have spent the last three nights alone at home. Yesterday was a day….a day where life really hit me hard. 
I came home from work early and poured myself a glass of wine. I sat in my chair in the living room.. . in complete and total silence.
No TV. No music. No phone.
Just me. I had my thoughts. I had my feelings. I had my memories. I had my dreams. I had my reflections. I had my prayers. 
I allowed some great hurt to eat me alive. All day. All evening. All night. Until I finally forced my eyes closed. I made myself feel the hurt, as deep as it was. Pain does demand to be felt, but all too often, we push it down further instead of feeling it. This is what I have been doing for the past few months…this week was when I finally realized I needed to accept what was gone. I never realized before that being completely alone can be such a blessing. When you are alone, there is nowhere to run. No escape from your reality. I allowed myself to feel the hurt, the pain, the loneliness, the anger, the confusion, the lost hope. 
I realized this “alone” thing is something we never get anymore. When was the last time I allowed myself to just be? With all of our amazing technologies these days, you cannot escape. Instead of being alone with your reality, we text our friends; we scroll Facebook; we get lost on Pinterest; we view the pictures on Instagram; we turn on the DVR; we jam out to Pandora. I find it all too easy to just ignore my own real life, my own thoughts and emotions. 
The last three nights my weakness could not be defeated and I found my focus on many negatives. I was giving the negatives power over me. I was too weak to fight it, to be honest…even the strongest of people have moments of weakness.
This morning I got up before 5 (yup, if I sleep past 4:30 these days it is a miracle) going through my motions. Making my coffee. Feeding the pets. Emptying the dishwasher. Starting the laundry. Just the motions of life. I found myself feeling shut-down for the day. 
And then, I saw an image. I read words. They slapped me. 
I knew I was allowing things that are over in my life too much control. I was allowing the hurt from people I never thought I would feel it from make me weak.  Krisha was shutting down again, hiding from emotions and thoughts.
Nope. I have the choice. The choice to stand up and say this is not my focus. I have felt the pain and the hurt from the disappointment, I accept that once you lose some people in life you don’t get them back, that some dreams never come true, and memories just need to remain memories. But, today, instead of dwelling on what is gone or what is lost, I am going to count my blessings for those who are in my life. For those that I know will remain by my side through any storm I face. The ones that will always pick me up when I fall.  The ones that God has blessed me with. 
Last night I resented my loneliness. I was angered about it. But, today, I see it was a blessing. 
A fellow Facebook friend shared this image with me yesterday after reading my blog posts (thank you!). It’s printed next to my bed. 
I say goodbye to yesterday. I say hello to today. I say tomorrow I will continue to treasure my many blessings. 
Until Next Time~
*krisha*
Posted By at 2:15 pm 7 Comments