Aug 3

Damn Proud

I will admit that for a while recently I was in kind of a dark place. I was depressed, cried multiple times a day, laid on my couch and didn’t…or couldn’t…move.

It is hard for me to remember the runner I once was. In all honesty, I look at pictures from my full marathon and it seems almost like such a blur that I must have imagined the entire thing up. There is no way I could run 26.2 miles.

I mean, right now I can barely get out of bed or off the couch. If you have never experienced constant daily pain, it wears you down. Not just physically. But emotionally, mentally. Most days all I really want to do is to cut off my foot so the pain can stop – the constant numbing/tingling/shooting pain.

But, thankfully I have some people in my life that loved me through my darkness and because they stood there helping, guiding, supporting & yes, squeezing my foot at times, today I feel as if I have found myself out of that dark place.

No, I still do not know exactly what is wrong. I will have testing done on all the nerves in both legs this next week.

More importantly, let’s chat about this morning. You see, any time that I lace up to workout I have zero idea what will happen. Some days I can fight through the pain and do some things; while others the pain can come on so strong and so great that stretching is about the limit.

This morning I laced up to go outside in the fresh air and the goal was to simply walk one lap around my development. The funny part is that trying to walk at a speed to be considered somewhat calorie burning, it actually pulls on my leg muscles (my calf muscles are too short for the deformity in my foot) so much worse & creates a raging fire inside. So, today, I thought: what the hell.

I decided to try to WOG. Yes, wog. It’s about the speed of a walk but in the form of a jog. This allowed me to take the smallest, shortest strides you may have ever seen. But, it allowed me to keep the fire in my calves to a much smaller degree.

So, no, I am not saying this was pain-free. The tendon in my foot/leg that they have talked about needing to transfer was pissed at me….but that is every day life. Some numbness/tingling happened in my foot.

But, I finally have realized that I need to love my body and appreciate it for everything it is and everything it is not. It is not easy to accept such a huge step backwards in term of my overall fitness level.

However, today I felt B.A. as I wogged ONE mile at a pace slower than you probably walk.IMG_3205.JPG

I’m damn proud y’all & I love my body today, pain and all, more than I did yesterday.

Never fear starting over. Accept those times you find yourself feeling as if you are all the way at the beginning. Any journey you take provides you with growth; think of just how incredible this one has the potential to be.

FYI – it took me 13:39 plus a pause on the stop watch at the half-way point to stretch out….so you’re looking at over 15:00 and still damn proud & feeling BA!


Until Next Time~

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